For years, the two of you have tried to work things out. However, after countless therapy sessions, couples’ workshops and heated arguments, you’ve both decided that divorce is the best course of action. Although a part of you will always care for your soon-to-be ex, neither one of you can continue to exist in such a toxic environment. Nightly shouting matches, hurtful insults and vicious threats have become part of your everyday life, and you’re in agreement that it has to stop. Unfortunately, as you’re both aware, divorce can take a tremendous emotional toll on children. When approached in the wrong manner, the divorce process is liable to create deep-seated scars that stick with kids for the rest of their lives. Alternatively, if you and your spouse agree to work together, you can bring your marriage to a peaceful end and avoid hurting your children. When attempting to carry out an amicable divorce, put the following tips into practice.
Hire the Right Attorney
When shopping around for the right attorney, make a point of choosing someone who has extensive experience with cases like yours and doesn’t encourage animosity towards your ex. In order to prolong proceedings and earn themselves more money, certain divorce attorneys actively encourage clients to take their spouses for everything they’re worth. Not only can this approach leave a gaping hole in your finances, it makes carrying out a divorce in a civil manner downright impossible. To ensure that your separation moves forward as smoothly and conflict-free as possible, it’s imperative that you have an experienced divorce attorney in your corner.
Be Upfront with Your Kids
After making the mutual decision to end your marriage, you and your spouse need to sit down with your children and explain the situation in terms they can understand. Although the language you use may vary depending on the age of your children, the fundamentals of this discussion should be the same across the age spectrum. During this conversation, make it abundantly clear that your marital problems have nothing to do with your kids and that neither one of you loves them any less. Stress that the divorce is strictly between you and your spouse – and that although your family’s living arrangements may soon change, neither of you wishes to be separated from your children.
Don’t Speak Poorly of Your Ex in Front of the Children
Parents using children as sounding boards for their anger during a heated divorce is a problem that’s all too common. This can be particularly traumatizing for small children, as it makes them feel as if their loyalty is being tested. Still, there’s no denying that divorce stirs up a plethora of bitter feelings. Luckily, there are a number of healthy ways to vent your frustrations on the matter. Acceptable venting outlets include therapy, divorce support groups and conversations with close friends or family members.
In addition to the immense pain your crumbling marriage has caused you, the dissolution of your union stands to have lasting effects on your children. All too often, people locked in the grips of divorce allow anger to get the best of them and turn the process into a traumatic experience for their kids. Fortunately, by hiring the right attorney, being upfront with your children and finding the appropriate sounding boards for your frustrations, you can end your marriage with minimal bitterness and avoid hurting your kids.